9/11

Last Sunday I had intended to post pictures of Guymon onto my blog today. I had planned on a few funny remarks about the quirks of this town but hadn't realized then what today's date would be.

I remember ten years ago. Brayten had already gone to work at Salt Lake Cable and Harness. I was alone in our small North Salt Lake Apartment. I was assembling cables, a small side job I did with Brayten to help pay for college. I sat on the tan colored carpet, listening only to the sound of my own breathing, with yellow, purple, red, and black cables before me all organized in rows.

Brayten called me, without saying, "Hi babe," or even, "Hello." He said, "Steph, turn on the radio." At the time we didn't have a television and this seemed like a funny request.

"Why? What's up?" I asked.

"Just turn it on," he said.

I did. Then I sat cross legged on the floor and listened as the world came tumbling down.

Brayten came home shortly thereafter. We clung to each other for a moment and then headed to my parent's house to watch as the calamity of history took place. I was young. I recall that this was the first time I ever realized that there are people in this world who hate Americans. The reasoning for this hatred was confounded. I wanted a direct answer, "They hate us because..." But I wasn't getting that. I couldn't fathom this. I had never really hated anyone in my life so it was hard for me to understand.

I remember being glued to the tv, all day. I remember the vivid images, the moments in time that are now etched in my memory. I remember my civil engineer Dad saying over and over again, "Those towers can't collapse. They won't collapse. They're constructed to not collapse." And then they did. I remember my two year old nephew being nervous about airplanes for years after 9/11. I remember feeling so sick, so sad.

Ten years have now passed. I've grown up a lot, I'm, unfortunately, not quite as naive as I used to be. I've brought two beautiful children into this crazy, mixed up, muddled up world. A world that sometimes seems too awful for sweet babies to come into. A world that sometimes scares me and at times I fear for my kids being in it. But in the words of Mr. Frank (Anne Frank's father), "We must have children, and raise them to be fine people. That is how the world can be changed."

So we move forward with faith, we accomplish hard things, and take one step at a time into the unknown future.

I'm grateful for my family, I'm grateful for my religion, I'm grateful for all of my blessings, and I'm grateful for this amazing nation in which we live. I'm grateful for all of those throughout our history who have fought for freedom, been in harms way for freedom, and died for freedom. I wonder what the next ten years will bring. Hopefully a bit more good in the world...hopefully a bit more peace...hopefully a bit more love because Heaven knows we could use it.

I love you all, until next time.